The Homework Never Ends I wouldn’t want to be with people without tears

Self-Teaching System Part 1 – Introduction

I was homeschooled by my dad until the end of the sixth grade. He did a decent job; I learned to read early and, despite my dyscalculia (specifically, my near-inability to manipulate numbers in my head or memorize math rules), was average in arithmetic.

However, around the time I was supposed to enter seventh grade, both my parents started online businesses and were forced to devote nearly all their time to building and maintaining their future internet empires. As a starry-eyed consolation typical of the late nineties, they offered to let me use their AOL connection several times a day (in addition to a decent library of books and weekly trips to the library) to continue my education on my own.

While probably desperate and well-meaning, this was the wrong thing to do. I hadn't yet learned how to teach myself; to hear Dad on the phone with a client mention that he had 'taught [me] how to learn' was frustrating because he never had. As a result, for the first year or two, I did little besides play Flash games and read young adult fantasy (shudder). Since we lived thirty miles from the nearest town and only visited once a week for a grocery run, I never socialized until I was fifteen or so and discovered IRC.

Then, around the time I would have been starting high school (age fourteen), I looked back and saw that, not only had I wasted time better spent learning new things, I had actually slipped back a grade or two. I resolved to educate myself systematically. And so began a painful process; from then until today, I would drop everything three times a year (in August when the school year started; in December around Christmas break; in May at the beginning of summer break) and try to devise a final, foolproof system that would help me teach myself.

And I'm pretty sure I tried everything. I scoured the internet for online, free courses, but back then there weren't nearly the offering there is now, so I was SOL. I bought folders and notebooks at the annual school supply sales at Walmart (to this day, the sight of a 10¢ notebooks display brings a wave of painful nostalgia). In total, I constructed thirty different daily/weekly schedules of 'classes' that ranged from everything from reading by myself, trying to get my brother to study things with me, writing self-assigned 'homework', and so on.

None of it worked.

A large chunk of blame goes to my own lack of knowledge about didaction and, for that matter, sticking to something for more than a day or two. To a lesser extent, my parents and brother were at fault; the former sometimes tried to take over or discourage my efforts, while the latter refused to take part and ridiculed me for my autodidactic goals.

There's a magic word: goals. What was I after? I couldn't have told you, really. I guess an important facet of my obsession was to attain a feeling of progression. When I was a kid, Dad would have me do math problems, other exercises, and then we'd sit down and watch a Disney movie (one of my vivid early childhood memories is of refusing to do my math problems and hence forfeiting the chance to watch Snow White for the first time). Sure, I could be like my brother, who became a skilled gamer with no social life, education, or drive; or I could spin my wheels. I chose the latter time after time after time because at least that way I had a prize I could set my eyes on.

Fast forward through this mess. I'm twenty-one and finally have the tools and money at my disposal that might have helped me in those frustrated years. Just for example, when I got my iPod touch, I migrated the textbooks in my backpack (which I would take with me on the bus and attempt to study from) into a PDF reader (Aji). More important, I downloaded Mystery List and assembled a list of subjects I wanted to study.

However, those feelings of inadequacy and frustration remain. There's a reason why, years ago, I named my blog 'The Homework Never Ends', and not just because I was (and am) a huge fan of Yu Yu Hakusho. I was never assigned homework, yet I always feel like there's some waiting to be done. It never ends.

But I think I was getting ahead of myself. I need to start from the beginning. There is, I think, an autodidactic process that I've been (subconsciously?) developing all these years. With each incarnation, I was testing new ideas and discarding old, useless baggage to eventually hone this flowchart-esque process to a useful, beautiful construct.

I need to come up with a term for it. For the moment, I've settled on Fekket's Auto-Didactic System, or FADS. This is really lame, but it gives me something to call it. More importantly, should anyone try to adapt it for themselves, I'll find them on Google and get to read about their results.

Throughout the week, I'll post the next sections of this System.