The Homework Never Ends The pointed second hand counts down the life I lead

Review: xXx (2002)

Hoo boy.

First of all, we watched this movie with the hilarious Rifftrax provided by Mike Nelson. His jokes were the only things that kept me sane.

From beginning to end, this movie is like a dull steel pancake to the forehead. Please tell me I'm not the only one who, when confronted with the video game industry's closest thing to a mama bear (he steals a car from a senator and cliff dives it off a bridge in order to prove his point), felt a little ill.

You could measure the predictability as the movie progressed; the time between each (correct) trope prediction I and my mate called out grew steadily smaller. And when it wasn't being pretentiously cliche, it was being bafflingly stupid.

I find it difficult to write at length about this movie. I'd just be typing and typing for wordcount, snagglepuss donkey permaban dip. I'm keeping this one short, the way this movie should have been.

I'm not going to win any awards by calling this a bad, bad movie. Everybody already knows that. I just wanted to put out there that these sorts of things bewilder me. I've read plenty of books that I would like to see made into movies. Why does this get made instead? Why does Megan Whalen Turner's Thief trilogy gather dust while Alice in Wonderland gets refilmed thirty bajillion @#$%ing times?